Sometimes you just have to let go

Over the past couple months I have been dealing with one thought, feeling, emotion,...whatever you want to call it.  It is the feeling that I do not have a best "girlfriend".  I have Andrew.  He is my best friend, my partner, my lover, and my confidant.  I love him for that.  I am grateful to have him in my life and that he accepts me for who I am and that he will stand up for me if the need be, but we all NEED friends.  And that is what I have been dealing with.  The lack of friends in my life.  As most of you know, I lost my two best friends.  In that past year, I tried to let them go out of my life and was told that I was worth fighting for.  It felt good to hear that.  After that, I heard nothing for months.  No invitations.  No happy birthday, anniversary, or hey would you like to come out for a girl's night.  I finally made a move and was able to hang out with them twice.  That's right folks, in seven months time, I initiated two nights of time with the girls, and they initiated none.  Each time, I felt like an outsider.  Each time, I felt like I was on the outside watching people who I loved leave me out of conversations, stop listening when I talked about what was going on in my life, and then feel like I just plain wasn't welcome.  This month, I received an email asking if I wanted to come over for a girl's night.  Holy crap! After nine months, I was finally being invited by them to do something.  So, after I debated for a while because of how I felt the last couple times being with them, I said yes.  I was a little late, but when I showed up was welcomed by the KIDS.  The KIDS were happy to see me.  After dinner, the younger ones went to bed and then the girls and I went downstairs with my nephew to watch Netflix.  I spent more time talking with my nephew then I did with the girls because they pretty much had their own conversation and when I tried to talk to them they wouldn't listen.  I got tired after a couple hours of this and decided to leave.  I went home feeling lonely and hurt.  They didn't care what I was doing, how I was feeling, or if there was anything that I wanted to talk about.  Well......I have a lot that I want to say to them.  I have a lot of pent up feelings about everything that "went down" between the three of us.  So, since I will most likely never get the chance to say them or speak my mind around them.  The following posts are how I feel about each of them individually.  Hopefully after this, I will feel a sense of release and I can finally let go of the friendships and be grateful for what we used to have, but get over the fact that it will never be the same again.