Dear Shellie

Dear Shellie,
We were friends for a long time.  We were close friends for a long time.  We were roomates, coworkers, carpool buddies, and we took the disucussions from the missionaries together.  Over the course of seven years you were there for me through two divorces, moves, job changes, financial struggles, weight issues, and shopping addictions(which I feel we fueled each other).  But, we went through a lot.  We went on vacations together and always made time to go and see Kelli and hang out with just her, or her and the kids.  We were practically inseperable. 
Then came the time that Kelli and I had problems.  I needed you more than ever at that point.  I needed someone that I could talk to.  Someone that I could tell my feelings to.  Someone that wouldn't judge me and make me feel bad about the way things were going.  But, that couldn't happen.  I understand why you told me that you couldn't listen to my problems anymore.  I understand that you didn't want to be put in the middle.  I completely get that.  What I don't understand is why it was ok for Kelli, but not for me.  The thing that hurt me the most was when you looked at me and told me that I overreact  about things, that I am judgemental, and that I pretty much desearved to be treated the way that Kelli was treating me.  Hello pain.  I was taken aback.  I couldn't believe that you, my best friend, would say something to me when I was in so much torment about what was happening with Kelli and I.  It was too hard to hear.  I gave you what I thought that you wanted, a way out.  I told you that we would be coworkers and that was all because I felt that was what you wanted.  I felt that you didn't want me as a friend anymore.  You were part of the reason I left that place of employment.  To be honest, I would have worked out the finances with gas and such just so that we could still work together.  But, because of that one day in your office, at lunch, I decided right then and there that we could no longer work together.  I was honest with Pete and Kaydon when I told them why I was leaving.  But, no one else.  Andrew knew, and said that he would support me.  The change was hard.  On my last day, you said nothing to me.  I bawled as I walked out the door by myself and had to leave a job that was so good to me.  But, I didn't have anyone to support me. 
After I sent out the email to you and Kelli at the start of this year, I was encouraged by Kelli to try and make amends with you because it was something that we all could use.  I tried for four months to do this.  FOUR MONTHS! Before I finally received any type of response from you.  After we talked. It was good.  I felt better.  That is until it took another three months before we actually did anything together.  When we did do something, I felt on the outside.  I don't need to be the center of attention, but if we are trying to mend things, shouldn't we spend time talking about what is going on in each other's lives so that no one feels left out.  That is what I would have done.  It is what I tried to do.  It just didn't work. 
I pretty much gave up after the second time that we hung out.  I didn't want to have anything to do with the two of you because I just left feeling bad about what used to be and what would never be anymore.  This last time that we hung out was just the final nail in the coffin of our friendship.  I have been so hurt, I have CAUSED so much pain that I just can't be around the two of you anymore.  I really feel that there is nothing anyone can say that will make me feel better about our relationship.  It's over.  It's done.  We were friends for a solid eight years.  I will forever be grateful for the time that we had.  But, no more.  I won't be put through this every 6-8 months where I just feel bad.  I am releasing those feelings. I am releasing you from my life. 
Becki