Dear Kelli

Dear Kelli,
Our situation is a little different than my situation with Shellie because I married your brother.  And that is where this all starts.  It all starts because I married your brother.  I am in full belief that you and I never would have had the issues that we had if I hadn't dated and married your brother.  You blame me for a lot of stuff that has happened in Andrew's life.  And none of it is good.  That's how I feel.  Here's where I want to start.  I want to start the night I told you that I was pregnant.  The first pregnancy that Andrew and I had.  You were rude and not at all supportive.  I was scared.  Flat out scared.  Then when I lost the pregnancy you said nothing.  When you moved out of your house and into mom's, I helped.  When you moved out of mom's into your new place, I helped.  When you needed a babysitter, I was there. Even after we struggled, I was still there to help out.  After our fights.  I still helped you.  Because I felt something I don't think you have EVER felt.  Remorse.  I felt bad about things that I had said.  I felt bad because I had not been a good friend.  Looking back, I was not the only that should have felt bad.  I honestly think that you pushed me out of your life because you were no longer the only Brown that was the center of my attention.  I think part of you was a little jealous of my relationship with Andrew.  I don't know if you were or have ever been trully happy for us.  Each time we had a problem, I was made to feel that I was the one who had caused it.  Each time I apologized for something that was not entirely my fault.  And each time you neglected to say two words that would have made all the difference in the world.  You never said "I'm Sorry" for the way that YOU treated ME.  You never apologized for neglecting our friendship.  You never apologized for talking to Shellie about me. You never tried to make things better.  I had to be the one to do that.  I even went to the lengths of apologizing to people who had no idea what I was talking about.  And what hurt so bad, was that you didn't feel that you could confide in me.  You told me that you felt that I am not the person that you could talk to about things because you felt that I would judge you for choices that you were making.  I don't understand how you could think that when you know the choices I have made, and that I would never judge someone for making odd or different choices in their life.  That hurt me so bad.  But, the thing that hurt the most, more than anything, Kelli; is when I had my miscarriage last year.  When I lost my baby after twelve weeks of pregnancy.  You told me that you didn't feel you should say anthing because I hadn't told you personally that I was pregnant or had lost the baby.  Well,  we didn't tell anyone personally except our parents.  We used Facebook.  Why would we do it any other way when everything is done through Facebook, Twitter, blogging.......?  I just felt that was a cop out.  Flat out.  That's how I felt.  Kelli, how many miscarriages did you have?  How many did I ignore?  When you lost Braxton, I visited you in the hospital.  The point is, I was THERE.  I didn't have to be told personally.  I found out about Braxton in an email that you sent out to family and friends.  Grant told me about others.  But you didn't tell me PERSONALLY what had happened to you.  I ached.  I cried for weeks, months, and still cry about it.  And to add salt to the wound, I didn't have my friends. 
In the past year, since you told me that you felt I was worth fighting for, you have invited me to hang out twice.  Once, I'm pretty sure was an afterthought because you and Shellie went to a movie and decided on the way BACK to see if I wanted to hang out.  Ummm...no thank you.  The other was last week.  I asked twice to hang out, and after feeling like an outcast, decided not to anymore.  I can't feel this way anymore.  I can't feel like I should constantly be apologizing for marrying Andrew and ruining our friendship.  I'm not sorry that I married Andrew.  It took more that me to destroy our friendship.  You have also said hurtful things and made me feel bad.  The difference between the two of us, is I have said "I'm sorry".  I am sorry for the hurtful things that I said, but, I just can't do it anymore.  I do not want to feel pain around you and Shellie.  So, that being said.  Everything being said.  I release you as a friend.  I realize that we will always be put in situations where we will see each other, so I release you as my friend. 
Becki