Mother's Day Can Be Frustrating

****warning, this post may offend you****

Today I want to write about something that is sensitive.  I try to be careful about what I post, what I say, and how I say it.  I had a miscarriage in October.  My baby was due this week.  I was supposed to be a mother this month.  The miscarriage that I had was hard on me.  This was the third one in a year, but I was farther along with this one than with the others.  Emotionally I was drained.  I felt like a failure.  I felt that there was something I had done to cause it.  Mother's Day has been a struggle for me, but this year, I have been dreading it.  I don't want to hear the comments like"you are not a mother, so celebrate everyone who is and deal with it".  I don't think that is an appropriate to say something like that to anyone.  It is not my choice to not be a mother, it is the card that I have been dealt.  I yearn to be a mother.  I ache to fulfil my divine purpose on this earth, but it is not going to happen.  As I have said in previous posts, adoption, IVF, and surrogacy are out of the question because of the financial aspect involved.  I have pets, but they can't tell me that they love me.  They can't give me homemade gifts on Mother's Day to show that they appreciate all that I do for them.  They can't make me breakfast in bed (and I really don't want them to try).  It is not fair to tell someone that can't have children that they can't be celebrated on Mother's Day because they are not a mother.  I am tired of being told that I can't have that.  As the years go by and I suffer through the realization that I have failed in my mission here on earth, I have come to the opinion that Mother's Day should be a day to celebrate the women in your home.  To show appreciation for what they do.  I have been the primary source of income, the maid, the cook, the vet, the lover, the wife, the backbone for my husband; but on Mother's Day I am told to step aside for the ones who were able to give birth. 
Dont' get me wrong.....I LOVE MY MOTHER, I LOVE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW,  MY GRANDMOTHERS, MY AUNTS, AND MY SISTERS.  I show them on Mother's Day.  I give them cards, gifts, etc....; but this year is different.  I feel like something was taken from me and I will never get it back.  Mother's Day is a reminder of that.  So, this year, if I seem a little distant, lacking enthusiasm, or just plain grumpy, you will know why.  It is because the thing that I have wanted since I was a little girl, the thing that was promised to me in the pre-existence will not be granted to me in this life.  I am bitter.  I am sad.  And most of all, I cannot get over the disappointment that I feel because of it.