Over the past week or so I have been able to come to accept the miscarriage. Andrew and I babysat for Lisa and Jarom's kids a week ago Friday. The kids were incredibly hyper and as such, VERY entertaining. Charlie was a little fussy, but he usually is around his bedtime. I made him a bottle and took him upstairs to rock him as I do when I get him ready for bed. We sat in the dark and I talked to him about his brother and others that are in Heaven watching us. I honestly believe that the veil is still so thin for infants and for younger children and I enjoy the moments that I get to watch them to see that. As I sat there holding him, he started to get a little fidgety, I sang to him and he calmed down. I started talking to him about my babies. The ones that I don't have. I asked if he knew why they didn't want to come and be with me. This little baby dropped his bottle and looked me right in the eyes as if to say, "it's not time yet". He put his little hand on my cheek and held it there as I wept. This little child of God comforted me in a way that no one has been able to do. I felt peace as I realized my opportunity to be the greatest aunt ever. Between Andrew's family and mine we have 22 nieces and nephews. I will be the greatest aunt that I can be to all these children.
As Christmas approaches, I want to be able to remember the reason for the season and be with family. I hope that we are able to do this. Love to all.
You made me cry...
ReplyDeleteBecky, you don't know me, but I wanted you to know that I understand your pain as I have like you had many miscarriages when all I wanted in my life was a baby. I wanted you to know that there was someone you don't know, but knows Andrew, that is thinking and praying for you both.
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