I am going to write today about something that has been on my mind for years. This post is not a pity party or a way to try and get people to feel bad for me. It is just something I had to let out.
I have always wondered WHY I have not been able to have children. I have always questioned if it is because the Lord knows that I lack the patience to be a mother. As the years tick by and I watch people my age FINISH having children, it makes my heart ache for the opportunities that I have missed. I know that I have made mistakes in the past, and the Lord has blessed me with forgiveness in my times of trial. I have always considered it a blessing that I didn't have children with my other husbands, no matter how hard we tried to have them. I know that the Lord was just waiting until I was with the right person. I don't plan on getting married again. LOL. I am with Andrew. I love him so much. We are building our lives together. But, I can't help thinking that I may be too old to start a family. There are so many things that we want to do as a couple, but are we being selfish not having children? We aren't trying to prevent it, so the only thing I can think of is that the Lord has other things in store for us. It saddens me. I have been thinking a lot lately about children. Having children. Raising them. I feel as though time is passing me by.
Sorry for the depressing posts lately. I've been in a rut. Hopefully, things will start to get better.
I know that I am in no position to give advice, first being your younger sister, and second being someone who has children, but I do have experience in not always knowing 'why'.
ReplyDeleteAnd relying on your faith is the only way to get through it. The reasons aren't clear for why we aren't granted certain things, and it causes us to question if the Lord loves us or not. The truth of the matter is He does. And he not only understands, but He has suffered along with us.
You may hear many things from different people like, 'you can always adopt' or 'just keep trying' etc. and I know that isn't always what you need/want to hear. Take comfort in the fact that you aren't alone. And you never will be. The Lord won't abandon you. He's given you this trial because He knows you can face it. You'll become a better person and perhaps benefit the lives of many others from your experience.
I love you sweetie. I hope that you find your way out of your rut.
I love what Cassie said! She is absolutely right!
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