5 reasons chivalry is dead

So. I have noticed a few things changing in society.  Things that kind of suck.  Although I am happy and proud to be a woman, there are days that I want to be treated like a LADY.  Just because I don't act like one all the time, does not mean that it doesn't feel good to be treated like one.  This blog gives reasons that I think that chivalry is dead or dying. 

1- When was the last time I had a door opened for me without having to stand next to it waiting for a man to open it?  I can't remember.  This counts car doors, house doors, movie theatre doors, any kind of door besides the bathroom (I can handle that one on my own). 
2- When was the last time a man gave his seat up for me on the train or bus?  I can answer that one with an emphatic NEVER.  I was standing in the middle of a very crowded train and there were four men sitting watching me stand.  Not that I think I deserve to sit while they stand, the offer would have been nice.
3- If I stumble and fall, do you laugh or do you offer your hand to help me up?  Ummmm....I am very accident prone.  If you are one of my girlfriends, I expect you to point and laugh at my sorry butt that fell down, but if you are my husband, one of my guy friends, or any other man in my life, you should be getting off your butt to see if I am ok and help me up. 
4- If it is cold out and icy, do you offer your arm to me, or let me fend for myself?  See reason #3 for why I think you should be a gentleman and let me hold your arm.  I am not an old lady, but I would like to hold your hand or your arm while we walk. 
5- When was the last time you looked at me and told me that I looked nice?  Did I have to fish for a compliment, or did you offer it without prodding?  This one if mainly because I should feel pretty, even if I don't think I look it. 

To the women who read this, I implore you to examine your lives and see if the men in them are treating you the way women should be treated.  We should all feel respected and special.  Screw gender rolls and equality, I want what every woman secretly wants.  I want to be treated like a lady.  To feel taken care in more ways than financial and sexual.  This is my thought for the day. 

Families are supposed to support one another, right?

My post today is going to be incredibly negative.  Just an FYI.  If you are not in the mood for my venting, stop reading now.......

My job has become very hectic over the last few weeks.  This week we are rolling out a new electronic medical records system.  I was informed that I am required to be here until 6:00 or 6:30.  I will miss my bus home.  With Andrew out of work again, we do not have the gas money for me to drive out to Salt Lake everyday.  We do not have the money for me to stay in a hotel.  We just don't have money.  I asked my mom if I could stay at her house for a few nights to make it through this week.  I would pack my own food.  Bring my own stuff.  I just needed a place to lay my head for the night.  In response to my request, my mom said that they would need to think about it and explore all of the options.  Ok.....did she not think that I had already done that?  The fact is that my mother is disappointed in me.  She always has been.  I don't think I have done a single thing to make her proud.  The fact that my mother is so proud of the rest of my siblings and makes a point of stating that fact all over facebook is totally hurtful.  I am tired.  I am hurt.  This is the nail in the coffin that has made my decision for me.  I thought that families were supposed to be there for each other.  I know that I am an adult.  But, sometimes, even when you are a grown up, things are out of your hands.  This is something that is out of my hands. 
This is not the first time that my family has turned their backs on me.  About ten years ago, they did the same thing.  Ignore me.  Pretend that I am not a part of the family.  Getting family photos taken without me.  Going on family vacations without me and adding insult to injury by asking me to take care of their pets. 
I have decided that I cannot count on family anymore.  Everyone knows that I have been on the outs with some of Andrew's family and now it is the same with my family.  Well, no more.  I will be my own person and try to build a firm foundation with Andrew.  I have always tried to be there for our families.  But, I am kinda tired.  Tired of being the person to mend fences to have them trampled.  Tired of being the one who always has to apologize only to have it thrown back in my face.  I am flat out done. Either accept me for the person that I am, the mistakes I have made, the changes I have made, and the apologies I have made to you or leave me alone.  I am one of the first ones to jump in when others need help and I have always accepted my family for who they are. 
To my immediate family:  I am not Jenny, Cassie, or Jonathan.  I am Becki.  I am different from my siblings.  You may not approve of the decisions I have made in my life, but I would have hoped that you would still love me and want to help me when things are icky.  I have not accomplished the things that my siblings have, but I am still your daughter.  I wish that you would remember that.

Get up and MOVE!!!!!

I am fat.  Outright.  Thought I would let you know in case you hadn't noticed.  Anyway.  I am starting to realize how it is effecting me.  I am now of the attitude that only I can change how I look.  I have to start doing something about it.  So, I am going to blog my activity for the week.  I am going to blog what I do and for how often because it is the only way I can hold myself accountable.  Today, I will be taking the stairs.  We have a bazillion here at the Moran.  I have already gone up and down two floors to deliver a single chart.  I could have taken the elevator, but I didn't.  I am proud of myself.  I will continue to take the stairs for the day.  No elevator for me. 
I will also be taking my dogs out for a walk since I didn't get it done this morning.  They need it. I need it.  It will be a win win.  I am going to get up and move.  My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the end of the summer, if not more.  Maybe Andrew will start walking with me..........

Mother's Day

I just wanted to do a quick post to my Mom.  I wasn't able to be with her today because Andrew lost his job and we have to watch our money.  I want my Mom to know how much I admire her.  I have always admired how happy she is.  Growing up, she was always fun and did a lot of things with us kids.  She was a backbone and a support to all of us.  I want my mom to know that I appreciate that she was always there to make us feel better about ourselves.  My mom has always been an optimist.  I wish I could say the same about myself.  She is always positive and sunny.  With a song in her heart and dancing in her steps, my mom always had something fun for us kids to do.
So, on the one day a year that I should be with my mom and am not, Happy Mother's Day to the one lady in my life who is always happy and sees life as a party.  I wish I had your zest for life Mom.  You will always shine through as a great example of someone who I would like to become.

Love you Mom,
Becki

In an effort to be more........

I am trying to get better about blogging.  Now that I have my groove here at work, I know when I will have time, and when I won't. Thursdays are super busy, but that is OK, they go by fast.  We had a great weekend because the weather was so nice.  Danny came out to hang with Andrew and I was able to go and get a mani pedi.  So nice!  Our nieces came over and played.  It is so nice that they get along with the dogs.  I am especially impressed by the way that Molly plays with Izzy.  She is not afraid of her and Izzy just adores her.  Overall, it was a great weekend.  I did not want to come to work.  But, who does on a Monday? 
I would like to be more positive and upbeat in my posts, so I am going to start giving you a history of me and my family.  We are one accident prone bunch, but we can always laugh about it. 
When I was working for the OBGYN clinic I started taking the bus a few times during the week when Andrew and I moved out to Tooele.  For some reason, I just could never get the hang of the transfers.  It was so strange.  I was always having to run for the bus.  Well.  At the time I wore scrubs.  They have a drawstring, yes....but it doesn't help that I was trying these new garments that were made out of a spandex like material.  Supposed to hold you in like Spanx.  I had to run for the bus to be able to get home.  Last express bus going home.  I miss that and I don't get home until 7:15.  So, I am booking it.  Crossing the street and running like a lunatic to try and catch this bus.  So focused was I on making this bus, I didn't notice that my pants had started to fall.  They fell pretty fast thanks to the spandex.  Came down about mid-thigh and tripped me.  I did a face plant and the bus driver was kind enough to wait for me and not laugh too much when he asked if I was OK as I boarded the bus.  I felt so ridiculous.  The people at the front of the bus wasted no time telling everyone else what had happened, so half the bus knew when I got on.  The other half figured it out when they saw me and my scratched up face and arms.  My brother-in-law loves to tease me still about it.  I now have the hang of transfers since I bus it everyday, but not the part about falling on my face.  Knowing my family, I don't think that will ever change. 
Have a great day!

New Beginnings

I haven't posted anything since before Christmas.  Holy Cow!  Some things have changed, some have not, and some have changed and then went back to normal. Andrew is still at his job, thank goodness.  This is in spite of rumors that lay offs were going to happen.  My job has changed.  They cut my hours so much at my old position.  So much that we lost our benefits.  Crazy.  Anyway, one day at the Redwood clinic, I was talking to another one of the receptionists and one of the techs overheard me.  She pulled me aside and said that there was an opening at the Main Moran.  Something that would provide me with full time work, benefits, and a raise in salary since it was considered a promotion.  I thought and thought and talked and talked.  After much consideration, I put my application in and was basically given the job with an interview as a formality.  YAY!  I was super excited.  I started the new job the fist week of March.  Andrew and I decided that we needed to start leaving the dogs out because they would be having too much kennel time if we did that during the day while we were both at work.  This did not go well.  At first, they did ok.  We thought that was great.  But then, they did the unthinkable.  They ate one of our movies.  Ironically, it was Lady and the Tramp.  We thought it was mainly Xander, so we started to kennel him.  But, Izzy started acted out at that point.  After six weeks of drama with them and many replacement items around our house, we decided that it was time to take them to the shelter to see if they could find better homes.  This lasted all of three days.  We dropped them off on a Friday evening and after many many many tears and sleepless nights and being so sad that we made ourselves sick, we decided to try and get them back.  Andrew said that our house felt different and that it didn't feel like our home anymore because they were gone.  We went and picked them up Monday evening.  So happy to have our babies back home, we have cleared the living room out of furniture and it is the dogs area.  We are hoping to be able to build into the crawl space, which we can stand in, to make a room for them.  It is cement down there and would be a perfect place because it is cool in the summertime.  We hope to at least get a quote to know how much it would cost to do that.  We'll see.
Now on to the more spiritual aspect of our lives.  I am no longer playing the piano in primary because I was burnt out.  But, more than that,  I am  angry.  I am angry at the way the church took care of my ex husband and let him get sealed in the temple after he did what he did.  I am really having a hard time overcoming that. I don't know if there is any type of healing that can come from that.  Andrew and I would like to be sealed, but neither of us goes to church anymore and I don't know when we will go back.  When we do reach that point, YES I said "when", I don't know if I will be ready to sit in that room with everyone that will be there.  There are so many hard feelings between Kelli and I that I don't think we could sit in the same room and not have animosity.  I would not want there to be animosity on such a special day.  So, we have stopped trying.  I just don't have enough faith for both of us, and that is what I would need.
After I posted my letters to Shellie and Kelli, I returned all the stuff that they had ever given to me. I removed all the pictures.  I erased the memory of a friendship that I was told was "toxic".  For ten years I remained in a "toxic" friendship that I had no idea was "toxic".  I was repeatedly told that I was judgmental and hard to be around and not worth any one's time.  No more.  I finished it.  I don't want to care anymore.
So, that is a full update on us.  New jobs=awesome.  Dogs=getting better.  Church=constant work in progress.  Family=could be better, but probably won't be.  But, that is what happens when two people are super stubborn.

Love to everyone!!!

Greeting Cards.......

Hi everyone!  News from the Brown house.  The holidays came early for us this year.  But, not really by choice.  Andrew and I decided after thinking and saving, that we would like to purchase tablets for ourselves. The day that they arrived, Andrew posted on Facebook that our tv started smoking and shut off.  No longer working.  Thank goodness for Black Friday sales!!!!  We were able to also get a tv.  We are done with Christmas for us, but our families still need to be taken care of. 
Andrew has a new job for which I am trully happy about.  We are finally on the right track to getting back on our feet after a very difficult year.  We both work during the day now, so we get to spend our evenings together, which we couldn't do before.  We also got a new car in September, which made it possible for Andrew to get his new job.  We are both very happy with it.
I look forward to our first Christmas with Xander.  He is very happy, hyper, and fun to play with.  Izzy has gotten more mellow now that she is two, I look forward to the time in a year and a half when Xander reaches that.  They both visited the vet and are healthy.  The vet did mention that if Xander gets fixed, he will settle down a little.  Hopefully, with Andrew working we will be able to do that soon. 
Anyways....Love to everyone!!  Not much else to report. We will see you at the Christmas parties if luck plays out for us!